Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Book Review: Halo by Alexander Adornetto

Everything I'm reading now
Is filled with stupid crap
And it was the same with Halo
I fell for Utter-shitto's trap
Everything that you said was true
This book was such a waste of time
After getting through with Halo
I want to commit a crime
Reading Halo. Halo. Halo.
Reading Halo. Halo. Halooooooo

Sorry, I couldn't resist.
It's sad that a book can be so bad that it doesn't even piss you off. I'm sorry, but I cannot take this book seriously. I gave it one hundred pages. More details later.

I should begin by saying that I did not finish this book. It was impossible for me to finish this book. Why?

Lack of Effort
As anyone who has read this book will notice, Alexandra Utter-shitto did not even attempt to try. She actually puts in contradictory information throughout.
Ex: The angels are supposed to be unfamiliar with life on Earth. However, it is revealed that both Gabriel and Ivy have been here before. Also, they didn't know that humans needed to eat. However, we later learn that they did various other types of research (Films and the like) Now, how did that get past the editors?
Even I noticed this! And I used to like TMI and HoN. I weep for my poor 16-year-old self.

This girl is incompetent. She always needs someone to help her. Even her human boyfriend. That's right: A human has to help an angel. She forgets her book. Xavier lets her use his and tells the teacher that he forgot his. She gets drunk at a partay! (Utter-shitto's did it! Not me) Xavier comes to her rescue.

Where was it? We readers are told that the Agents of Darkness (Really, Utter-shitto? Really?) want to do something terrible to the world and the angels have to save it. One hundred pages in and Utter-shitto still doesn't delve any deeper. Instead, we are treated to school, Xavier, upcoming prom, Xavier, partays!, Xavier Woods, Mr. Xavier Woods, X Woody, and more Xavier.

She has no personality. As I was reading the scenes she had I was always wondering why was she even there? Then again, as long as it means less time is devoted to how perfect Ed-I mean Xavier is, Ivy is okay (not really).

The Archangel Gabriel
Pop Quiz: If you are writing a book about angels who have to save the world, and you include the angel who is famous for bring news of John the Baptist and Jesus' births, where would you send him?
A) War-torn Middle East
B) Posh first-world town.
C) Darfur

If you answered "B" then I suggest that you give up writing. Kidding.
And finally:

Angel Names
As any of you with a passing familiarity with angels should know, angels have a set pattern with their names: "-el" or "-iel" (Except for Metatron but...)
Where the hell did Bethany and Ivy come from? Unless they're short for Iviel or Bethaniel, they don't belong!
Hey, Utter-shitto, do you know why this is so? Hmmm? It's because "el" means God in Hebrew. These angels have names that tie them to God, and you've just stomped all over that! I hope you're happy.

So concludes my review of Halo, a book so bad it's funny. But honestly, I don't blame Utter-shitto. I blame the editors, publishers, her parents, her teachers, and Twilight.

Yes, Twilight! Because of that book, we now have to deal with copy kneazles that are even worse than the original.

That being said, I probably will read Hades just for the lulz and to see how far i can get. The only upside to this was that I checked this book out from the library and didn't have to pay for it (not even in fines!)

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